Fear Monster

One thing about having MS means never knowing what will come next. One day you can be fine, the next our not fine at all. Living with the constant fear that your MS will take over again is enough to drive any one crazy. It's a fear that no matter how good you feel or how positive you are, it is always, and I mean ALWAYS on the back of your mind.

For the last few weeks I have not been feeling so hot. I don't know if it's from being stressed or maybe the heat, I don't know, but what i do know is Pre-MS (not to be confused with PMS) I'll say I was at a level 10 on feeling healthy. Then my big ms flare hit and i dropped down to like a 1. well after my treatments I never felt back at a 10 again so well call it an 8. during the last few weeks i feel like I dropped back down to  a 5. I have constantly been afraid of waking up one morning and ending up in the shape I was before (1)

I'm still learning how MS is going to effect me and when a new symptom is something to be concerned about, or write off as a part of the life. I finally sucked it up and called my neurologist and she thinks I am in the beginning stages of another flare.

Good News: I can do another series of solu-medrol (steroid) infusions to hopefully stop it it it's path.
Bad News: even though i have done these already, I am freaking out!!!

Good News: My neurologist wants to see me immediately. so I will do another MRI ASAP!
Bad News: my neurologist wants me to think about starting a new drug instead of the one I have been taking. Because of this, I am also, FREAKING OUT!

I like the drug injections I have been doing. For those who have not read my previous blogs. I do weekly injections of a drug call Avonex. I love this drug as much as you can love something that requires stabbing yourself in the leg every week. I handle the side effects very well, I know how to do the injections, and I just don't want to change! (insert foot stomp and pouty face here) i feel like I have only been on the drug for 2.5 months and they say it takes about 6 months to know if it's working so I just want to stick with it. However, I want something that works and obviously something is not working...

 P.S. Here is a very empowering and well done video from a group called Shift.ms, a web-based charity for people affected by multiple sclerosis (MS)